The Schedule is HERE! I'll break it down into a few categories for each matchup.
Week 1 - Sunday 9/11/2022 - v. Indianapolis Colts 12 PM CST
The New Guy - QB Matt Ryan
The Rookie - TE Jelani Woods, Virginia
The Old Guy that scares me - RB Jonathan Taylor
30 second elevator pitch - New QB out of the chute, may not be in total sync to start the season, which I'd be all in favor of in Week 1. As such, NRG needs to be rocking when the new look 2022 Texans take the field.
Week 2 - Sunday 9/18/2022 - @ Denver Broncos 3:25 CST
The New Guy - QB Russell Wilson
The Rookie - OLB Nik Bonitto, Oklahoma
The Old Guy that scares me - OLB Bradley Chubb
30 second elevator pitch - First game in the Mile High City for Wilson and a return for the Texans to Denver for the first time since 2018.
Week 3 - Sunday 9/25/2022 - @ Chicago Bears 12 PM CST
The New Guy - WR Byron Pringle
The Rookie - S Jaquan Brisker, Penn State
The Old Guy that scares me - RB David Montgomery
30 second elevator pitch - Lovie returns to Chicago. That's it. Let's GO!
Week 4 - Sunday 10/2/2022 - Los Angeles Chargers 12 PM CST
The New Guy - OLB Khalil Mack
The Rookie - OG Zion Johnson, Boston College (Davidson)
The Old Guy that scares me, not named Justin Herbert - S Derwin James
30 second elevator pitch - Herbo and company are coming for revenge with a newly stocked roster. My gosh, the Chargers are going to be a scary unit when fully healthy.
Week 5 - Sunday 10/9/2022 - @ Jacksonville Jaguars 12 PM CST
The New Guy - WR Christian Kirk
The Rookie - DE Travon Walker, Georgia
The Old Guy that scares me - DE Ray Robertson-Harris - sneaky good combo DL.
30 second elevator pitch - It's going to be hot and humid early in October and the Texans will need to rattle 2nd year QB Trevor Lawrence early and often.
Week 6 - BYE WEEK
Week 7 - Sunday 10/23/2022 - @ Las Vegas Raiders 3:05 PM CST
The New Guy - WR Davante Adams
The Rookie - They traded them all away, but I really like OG Dylan Parham, Memphis
The Old Guy that scares me - DE Maxx Crosby - been a huge fan from first time I saw him at Eastern Michigan
30 second elevator pitch - QB Derek Carr has weapons, a solid run game and a new play caller and head coach (same guy - Josh McDaniels). Commence the worry.
Week 8 - Sunday 10/30/2022 - Tennessee Titans 3:05 PM CST
The New Guy - WR Robert Woods - this is a GREAT place for the veteran pass catcher
The Rookie - WR Treylon Burks, Arkansas - BIG shoes to fill
The Old Guy that scares me - DT Jeffery Simmons - ugh, total dude.
30 second elevator pitch - The Titans are on the brink. On the brink of breaking through and being the TRUE best team in the AFC. OR, or, hear me out, on the brink of being a six win team. Not sure which way I'm leaning, honestly.
Week 9 - Thursday night 11/3/2022 - Philadelphia Eagles 7:15 PM CST
The New Guy - WR A.J. Brown - thank god he's not listed with the team above
The Rookie - DT Jordan Davis, Georgia
The Old Guy that scares me - WR Devonta Smith
30 second elevator pitch - See Titans above. I'd lean more so that the Eagles will have more success in large part because GM Howie Roseman made substantial moves in the offseason for this team to NOT fall into the six-seven win abyss.
Week 10 - Sunday 11/13/2022 - @ New York Giants 12 PM CST
The New Guy - Rookie OLB Kayvon Thibodeaux, Oregon
The Rookie - OT Evan Neal, Alabama
The Old Guy that scares me - OLB Azeez Ojulari
30 second elevator pitch - The Texans have struggled against the Giants throughout their existence, winning the only game that Eli Manning didn't start way back in 2002. So, I'm all for that trend continuing - no Eli? Texans win.
Week 11 - Sunday 11/20/2022 - Washington Commanders 12 PM CST
The New Guy - QB Carson Wentz
The Rookie - WR Jahan Dotson, Penn State
The Old Guy that scares me - A rehabilitated DE Chase Young
30 second elevator pitch - If the OL holds up for Wentz, which in turn leads to a much improved veteran QB's performance, Washington could be a sneak hot improvement candidate for 2022.
Week 12 - Sunday 11/27/2022 - @ Miami Dolphins 12 PM CST
The New Guy - Tyreek
The Rookie - They traded them away for Tyreek
The Old Guy that scares me - Tyreek
30 second elevator pitch - Tyreek. Get it?
Week 13 - Sunday 12/4/2022 - Cleveland Browns 12 PM CST
The New Guy - Well, you know.
The Rookie - They traded away all the picks.
The Old Guy that scares me - DE Myles Garrett
30 second elevator pitch - This one will have everyone's attention around the league for some reason.
Week 14 - Sunday 12/11/2022 - @ Dallas Cowboys 12 PM CST
The New Guy - Rookie OG Tyler Smith, Tulsa
The Rookie - CB DaRon Bland, Fresno State - 5th rounder could make some noise opposite Trevon Diggs
The Old Guy that scares me - LB Micah Parsons - total dude and will get better
30 second elevator pitch - There's little question about the talent on this team, except in one spot that used to be a strength - the OL. Smith will help bolster that unit, but is it enough for 2022 and beyond?
Week 15 - Sunday 12/18/2022 - Kansas City Chiefs 12 PM CST
The New Guy - some guy named Justin
The Rookie - CB Trent McDuffie, Washington - I loved this guy at U Dub.
The Old Guy that scares me - Um, his name is Mahomes and he throws to 87. That's TWO old guys that scare me...still
30 second elevator pitch - There's no Tyreek. There's no Tyrann. But, Patrick's throwing to Kelce and that's enough to put pressure on everyone.
Week 16 - Saturday 12/24/2022 - @ Tennessee Titans 12 PM CST
The New Guy - TE Austin Hooper
The Rookie - OT Nicholas Petit-Frere, THEE Ohio State
The Old Guy that scares me - The King Derrick Henry. Always
30 second elevator pitch - If Henry is healthy and Tannehill responds to the season-long pressure, the Titans will be on the brink of being the number one seed again.
Week 17 - Sunday 1/1/2023 - Jacksonville Jaguars 12 PM CST
The New Guy - OG Brandon Scherff
The Rookie - OC Luke Fortner, Kentucky
The Old Guy that scares me - DE Josh Allen
30 second elevator pitch - HBC Doug Pederson worries me, especially standing next to Trevor with a rebuilt offensive framework for 2022.
Week 18 - Saturday OR Sunday 1/7/2023 or 1/8/2023 - @ Indianapolis Colts
The New Guy - DE Yannick Ngakoue
The Rookie - WR Alec Pierce, Cincinnati
The Old Guy that scares me - DT DeForest Buckner. Ugh, can he just move to a different zip code, please?
30 second elevator pitch - 17 weeks after the initial meeting, the only guarantee is that these teams will look markedly different than in the opener. Let's hope that's a good thing for the good guys early in January 2023.
Browse tickets for the 2022 season now!